Insecurities About Summer

While I am happy that a friend of mine had good news to share about her summer internship abroad, it also made me internally my worth, or lack thereof as a potential candidate for summer internships. While I had been spending the last couple months applying to job postings for the summer (preferably in my field), I had gotten no less than a silent response from all of them.

The fact that I can’t (as of yet) get a job in my own city/country and yet there are opportunities abroad that would take my friend, is undoubtedly questionable. It’s times like these where I lapse into thinking that I’m not good enough despite what I might have in my portfolio or the past professional experiences. This of course, also starts my whirlwind of anxiety and this cycle is really hard to stop.

But despite all this, keep sending off personalized resumes and cover letters to employers found on indeed or other jobs website, hoping that maybe one of them might want me. It’s horrible to feel unwanted and while I know it’s not a personal thing, the irony of it (in life) is that those who work the hardest always find themselves in discouraging situations but those who don’t work as hard seem to find the loophole and get opportunities at an easier rate.

So it seems, no matter how hard I work or how many jobs I’ve had in the past or who I know, it is discouraging that after all that, no one wants me. To put it plainly. And yes, the job market is competitive. Yes, I am aware that there are better people than me out there. But where’s the chance to take if it’s already taken up at the beginning?

I can’t go back to my abusive administration job (I had worked for the company for 3 years) and that leaves me without a job (at least that pays above minimum wage). Which, as we all know, hardly is enough for anyone to live off of.

So the cycle continues and I keep applying. Hoping that someone will respond back. Or else, I might just find myself jobless for the summer. And that, I can’t afford.


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